On Being Annoying
In the car on the way to school a few mornings ago, Lizzie and I were listening to the radio. Bad mother that I am, I refused to tune into the 90s arena rock station Lizzie likes and instead subjected her to NPR’s Morning Edition. She had forgotten to charge up her iPod, so she was not (as is often the case) sitting next to me, earbuds inserted, oblivious to my presence. (More on that later.) The feature on Morning Edition was an interview with authors of a new book, “Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us,” which naturally thrust us into a spirited discussion about what most annoys us about each other. Happily, we were very close to school, so the discussion didn’t have time to move from “spirited” to heated…to too hot to handle.
Below are my top three daughter-related annoyances these days. Note the absence of: 1. uber-messy room and 2. wall-to-wall wet towels, both of which I’ve written about previously. This is not because: 1. Lizzie has changed her ways or 2. I have changed my attitude. Fat chance for either. It’s because these things are way beyond annoying to me and belong in a separate Infuriating/ Biohazard category. Here goes:
3. Aforementioned earbuds. They are so small, and her hair is so long, that I often don’t know she has them in. So I start a (scintillating) conversation or make a (witty) comment or an (intelligent) remark and get no response. Which causes me to repeat, or say louder or get really annoyed…until she moves her head and I see the earbuds…which causes me to get annoyed with myself for not noticing and her for not wanting to take every opportunity to interact with her wonderful mother.
2. TPRD. That’s right: Toilet Paper Replacement Disorder. Lizzie does, in fact, trouble herself to grab a new roll of toilet paper from under the sink when the situation calls for it. This is a MAJOR step, years in the making. But she places the new roll on top of the spindle, resting it on the cardboard tube of the old roll. Why? It’s an enduring mystery.
1. And the top thing Lizzie does to annoy me these days? Calling me “Dude,” as in “Hey, Dude, what’s for dinner?” Or “Dude, I did my homework already.” Listen up: I am not a dude.
I invite you to write in with your top annoyance, whether you are a mother (or father) steamed about your daughter’s irritating ways or a daughter who needs to vent about her mother. Just send as a comment to this post. Do it now! I will select the choicest tidbits and include them (keeping you anonymous) in a future post.
By the way, I invited Lizzie to submit her top three “My Mom Annoys Me” choices, but as faithful readers of this blog know, my daughter is deep into a non-participatory stage. Perhaps your responses will nudge her. Nothing I do seems to make a difference.
May 19th, 2011 at 11:21 am
From my perspective (as the mom):
(the backwards counting is a tip to late night tv, yes?)
3. Not keeping parents informed ~ forgetting/ignoring “change-of-venue” rule. She has a phone. We gladly accept texts.
2. Sitting on the couch, texting WHILE Facebooking WHILE not doing homework (which was the priority task identified prior to couch sit).
1. AFTER #2 & #3, deciding a snack would hit to spot, going into the kitchen, getting out the milk, getting out a glass, getting cookies from the Bunny Jar …. and then leaving. As in leaving EVERYTHING out or open (milk, cupboards, drawers, Bunny jar) or on (lights).
May 19th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Well, first of all Lauren, I agree with every one of yours – are all teenage girls alike? So here are a few additional 3:
3. Putting yesterday’s lunch sack with dirty containers on the front hall bench in the morning when she puts the current day’s lunch in her backpack
2. Introducing a conversation topic and then getting supremely pissed off and stomping away while muttering “why do you have to know everything” when I demonstrate my interest by asking a question.
1. Accusing me of being pre-menopausal with hints about my erratic, emotional behavior but refusing to give me an example of such behavior because she doesn’t want to “make me mad!”
May 19th, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Nothing bothers me about my three daughters anymore. I would give anything to go back to their teen years and laugh my way through it all over again!
May 20th, 2011 at 10:28 pm
It’s annoying to me when my daughter gives me – what I call – the “palms up and mouth ajar” reaction as a way to say “are you kidding me…you are so stupid mom!” THat annoys me every time!
May 22nd, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Now that Taylor is almost 16, our ‘werewolf’ years have started to improve.
Similar to the baptism by fire of entering them three years ago, I am now noticing that she is demonstrating occasional flashes of the (nicer) woman she will become.
However, we are not out of the thicket of teenagedom yet, so here are my top three annoyances:
#3. Earbud(s) I am with you on those little cochlear implants. Only in my case, it is just one. Taylor likes to position one bud in her left ear…hidden by her hair. I, like you Lauren, listen to talk radio in the morning on the way to school. And I know that she does this (the one bud) specifically so that she can CHOOSE which information stream / music she prefers at any given moment. This includes selectively hearing her Mother’s voice.
#2. Recognition. I grew up as the first of 5 daughters. There were not a lot of extras for any one child. But as an only child, Taylor has traveled extensively. She has wanted for very little. She has an iPhone and wears trendy hypster attire. She is attending an exclusive camp in Maine. I have sacrificed and worked hard to ensure that she gets the best education, medical care and extracurricular activities. When she takes these things for granted…it makes me crazy.
#1. The bedroom wastebasket. I realize this can sound trite given numbers 2 and 3. But, bear with me. She has a wastebasket in her bedroom. She drinks soda in her room (which I have asked her not to do.) She chucks empty cans and paper plates into that wastebasket until it overflows…and apparently expects the trash can fairy to deal with it.
I keep up with the wastebaskets in every other room – I naively expected that she would routinely empty hers. Not so.
Last Tuesday found us having to eat dinner out…so we could bomb her room for all of the ants who had rightfully laid claim to her bedroom – given all of the empty soda cans and all!
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Being taken for granted…such a big one. Have to say that reading about Bug Bombing your daughter’s room just made my day.
May 31st, 2011 at 12:20 pm
1) bangs so long they touch the bottom of her eyes
2) fingernail biting
3) forgetting to take a mandatory med for her health
can I have 4?
4) trying to embarrass/ridicule me by mentioning something stupid I do
June 1st, 2011 at 12:04 pm
I know I am too young to understand the bond between a mother and her child (as a teen barely looking at her 20th birthday), but I am in the place where I am no longer a werewolf. I was a horrible person to my mother, true, but she was just as horrible back. I can remember countless times where she pretended she was going to hit a light pole in her car because I wouldn’t smile at her (because I was terrified of her manic spurts). My biggest issue with my mom:
After my brother died (long story), she became distant. Not just sad, grieving distant, but drink your problems away and ignore your family distant. We used to be close, and I used to have issues talking to my dad. Now it is the opposite. When my dad calls, I gladly answer, talk, and miss him when he goes on his separate ways. I ignore my mom’s calls. I can’t handle the insane need she has to be in my life, and only when it is convenient for her. The only time she becomes socially lubricated is when she’s on her third glass of lemonade mixed with vodka. (As a child she only drank beer, and only 1 or 2 a night.) The worst, absolute worst thing now is her fake acceptance of me and my fiancee. (I am a lesbian.) To her friends at work, she is the loving mother of a lesbian. To me, she asks questions like, “Why does [the girlfriend] have to sleep over? I wouldn’t let a boy sleep over.” When we moved in together, she pulled a, “I just don’t believe in people living together before marriage.” Even though… her and my father did. I don’t understand her, and unfortunately she has pushed me away completely.
Oh, and a completely silly thing, when I started learning French in 8th grade, she would hound me, telling me French was a stupid language and I’d be better off learning Spanish. Then years later she tells me she’s jealous that I know some French and she gets Rosetta Stone to learn herself. Crazy lady.
Anyway, I just started reading your blog. I love it.